Desperate for dreams...

It’s great when you have a day off…

It’s not when you get woken up by some education phobic fugly delinquents…

I felt like a nice lie in, but when do I ever get what I want eh? Answer: FUCKING NEVER! Some cunt biscuits had the great idea to start road works at quarter past eight on a Monday morning. Jesus, I reckon they were supposed to start at nine but thought, “Perhaps we should start 45 minutes earlier just to piss off Opinion Octopus?” Well guess what guys; you hit the nail on the FREAKIN HEAD!!

As the pneumatic drill pummelled the concrete, I reluctantly slithered out of bed wanting to pummel the guy’s head… With my fist.

I stood half naked by the window watching them destroy the road. There were two of them, one drilling the road with brown hair whilst the blond one probably daydreamed about drilling the other dude’s anus… Then again, I could see that worker sitting on the tool, letting the strong vibrations caress his clitoris. You know what? He also seems like the kind of guy who shaves his armpits, in fact, along with the brunette they both do… Only they’d shave each other’s… ARGHHH!! See how pissed off I was! Witness my lack of sleep! I was thinking about workmen shaving other workmen… FUCKSTICKS!!

It also didn’t help that in my temporary lodgings I’m sleeping in the living room, which is right next to the road. I attempted to fall back to sleep upstairs but failed. I was wide-awake. At about 11ish they stopped for a while but only cause the 82-year-old slut from two doors down brought them both a cup of tea, and that’s only because they wouldn’t go into her house and service her bat filled fanny…

I eventually fell back asleep at what must have been around two, but forgot my little brothers attend school which finishes at three. I was therefore woken up by them jumping on me… Oh goodie, a single hours sleep…

I’ll have to remember to remind them Santa Claus isn’t real…

Hopefully I’ll find some sanctuary in this house and be able to catch some Z’s. Although not tomorrow cause of these retarded roadwork's!

I might throw them a Mach 3. Yes they might start getting freaky in the street, but at least I'd get some sleep…

OOpus

Out of the sea, into the bullshit...

Let me start by saying, if anyone is actually reading this THEN YOUR AN EVEN BIGGER LOSER THAN I AM!

Go and have a fap or learn to ride a bike after your done.

Please do something, ANYTHING constructive because as long as your still here your wasting precious time. Time you'll never get back and time you could spend scratching your back with someone else's toothbrush or touching hot radiators with oven gloves, (both I assure you will spark somewhat more of a reaction than this rant, which not even my goldfish will listen to, and yes, as an Octopus I can keep a goldfish as a pet... Much like you human's keep monkey's before you screw them and complain about aids.)

Anyway, as an animal who can basically do nothing outstanding, (apart from squeeze through almost any gap), I seem to have opinions about everything I witness/feel/touch/taste/*insert other sense here*.

And before anyone asks I don't hate everything..... Just everything I hate... Which is practically everything... I now hate the word 'everything'...

My thoughts will be going up soon and if you manage to spark some electrons and produce a thought yourself, about ANYTHING you'd like to share then FUCK OFF! Tell me and I'll tell it like it is as people have a tendency to hide what they really want to say whilst sugar coating a topic or product etc. Hmmm, well considering I live in the sea I'm used to salt which means I'm used to the TRUTH (somehow) and nobody can really argue as what I just said doesn't really make sense.

Alternatively if you would like me to review something, I will, but not for you. Let's just be clear, I hate you. But I love reviewing things and I'm selfish.

I also love mexican food, lightbulbs and licking stamps.

Please remember everything I do and say is my own opinion, OPINION being the key word, (the clue is LITERALLY in my name), and if you take anything to heart STOP BEING SO HYPER FUCKING SENSITIVE. Save everyone some time, go home and cut yourself... With a blunt or rusty or blunt and rusty knife.

Ciao 4 now ladies and gents.

OOpus